Finding Out

In honor of my first Mother’s Day as a mom…

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It was a few minutes after six as I shuffled into the bathroom.  I could smell the aroma of coffee and hear a jazz record playing downstairs where Jon was cramming for his midterm.

“What time did you get up?” I yelled down the stairs as I squeezed a blob of toothpaste onto my toothbrush.

“Around five,” Jon answered back.

“How’s it going?” I asked.

“Fine,” Jon said.

Our one year wedding anniversary was coming up in about a week so we had already celebrated the previous Saturday due to a wedding Jon was catering on our actual anniversary weekend.  For our anniversary, Jon surprised me by renting a fancy room at the Sycamore Mineral Springs Resort and took me to dinner at one of our favorite fancy restaurants.  Our little getaway included flowers, champagne, the whole nine yards.

Once the weekend was over, it was back to the grind.  Jon was midway through his first quarter at California Polytectnic State University (Cal Poly), one of the most difficult public university in the country to get into.  After six straight years of applying, Jon finally got in.  So we shifted our lives around to make it possible for him to continue working full time while going to school full time as well.  It was a bit of an adjustment to say the least, but we knew it would be worth the temporary difficulties in the long run.

However, after ignoring his studies for a weekend to celebrate our one year of marriage mark, he was scrambling to get ready for the midterm he had later that morning.

I finished brushing my teeth and fumbled around in the drawer next to the sink for a moment, looking for the pregnancy test I’d placed there the night before.  Ever since getting married, I kept a stash of pregnancy tests from the Dollar Tree in my cupboard so that every month I could use one.  I think I just enjoyed the little rush of anticipation every month knowing that no matter how small, there was a chance I could be pregnant.

For the last four days in a row I had taken a pregnancy test and they had all come back with the same results.  I didn’t think that this one would be any different, but I wanted to take the test anyway just for kicks and to ease my curious mind.

I reached over into the bath tub and turned on the water for a shower.  Before stepping in I glanced back over at the counter to see the test results becoming clear… and I swear I turned to concrete for split second when I saw that second pink line appear.

Time froze.

I don’t really know what I felt in that moment.  It was as if my brain hadn’t received the information from my nerve endings yet and so what felt like twenty minutes, was in reality a few seconds, as I stood there frozen feeling like every cell in my body had just been strummed like a guitar string.

It was a moment like no other, never to be repeated again as long as I lived.

I was pregnant for the first time.  And then the wave of emotion hit me.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t scared, but I was shocked.  Jon and I weren’t planning on starting a family for at least another year, maybe more.  As the news sunk in I started to feel all warm and fuzzy and in love with the life changing news I’d just received.

I hurried and grabbed two more tests from my cupboard and repeated the process just to make sure the cheap plastic test wasn’t giving me faulty results.

Nope, same results.  All positive.

I stood there wide eyed in the mirror examining my abdomen, wondering what kinds of crazy things were taking place on my insides.  I wanted to tell Jon right then, but I’d always pictured telling him that news in a special way.  Plus, if I told him now he’d probably fail his midterm.

Seeing as I’m terrible at keeping secrets from him, I knew it was going to take every ounce of will power for me not to say anything for the next five hours until he was done with his test.

So I carried on with getting ready, except I was pretty sure I couldn’t feel my legs most of the morning.  Part way through my routine Jon came upstairs to brush his teeth and shave.  I was straightening my hair when he asked me if I’d taken another pregnancy test.  He knew I’d taken a test the four previous days.

“Another negative one,” I told him.  Then I scurried out of the bathroom before I had a chance to act giddy or awkward and give the news away.

The next few hours were some of the longest of my life.  Normally Jon would take the city bus to campus and then from campus to work, since we shared one car.  So when I arrived at work, I called him and offered to pick him up from school at eleven a.m.  I told him I had no lunch plans that day so I didn’t mind taking an early lunch so I could give him a ride and save him some commute time on the bus.  He agreed and I spent the next two hours staring at the ticking clock on the wall in my cubicle.

I tried to think about anything else because at one point, I thought I might literally explode from keeping this secret to myself.  I wanted to call everyone in my phone contact list or at least I wanted to make an announcement on Facebook and watch the string of congratulations roll in.

Finally it was time to leave to meet Jon.  I intentionally kept my foot light on the gas to avoid getting a speeding ticket as I streamlined it across town.  My heart was thumping in my chest and my throat felt dry and tight.

I parked my car in an open space just outside the library.  I got out and began pacing back and forth trying to spot Jon before he spotted me.  I wondered how many girls had told guys they were pregnant on this campus.  I figured that for most of them the news wasn’t quite as happy as it was for me.  Most of them probably didn’t pack champagne and a video camera to capture the reaction like I had.

I had my finger over the record button as I waited to spot my husband in the swarm of students who had just gotten out of class.

The following moments I will never forget.  Partially because they are actually captured on film and partially because it’s impossible to forget moments like this.

Jon approached the car and saw the video camera pointed at him.  He asked me why I was filming and I informed him that it was because I was pregnant.  His reaction was the same as I imagine it would be if I had told him I’d just discovered a sixth toe growing out of my foot.  He looked at me with a blank stare and said, “You’re lying.  What are you really doing with that camera?”

Once I’d convinced him I was for real, we drove a mile or two away from campus, parked on a residential street and just sat there for a good while saying the same dumbfounded phrases over and over.  “Can you believe it?”  “Wow…”  “We are going to have a baby.”  “Seriously, can you believe it?”

By the end of the night we had phoned our parents, called a few best friends and even leaked the news to our entire cell group from church at that night’s meeting.  Some people reacted more cautiously than others.  Some screamed and shouted as if we’d just won the lottery.  We screamed too because we knew it was true.

Finding out about Cameron was some of the best news of my life.

Meeting him was one of the best moments.  Motherhood is such a blessing!

Happy Mother’s Day!

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One thought on “Finding Out

  1. Pingback: We’re Moving | World At The Wayside

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