Marriage Has Its Seasons

vego

We’re going to Vegas baby!

Why?

Because my soul needs refreshing.

And so does my marriage.

Jon and I haven’t been on a vacation since our honeymoon, so during his Spring Break we are going to hit the road and drive into the desert in search if the bright lights and some quality time together.

vegas trip

One thing that brought me and Jon together was our spontaneity.  I loved to surprise him with unexpected visits or gifts.  He liked to surprise me with outings to try new foods or hike new hills.  When we were dating, I remember surprising him by detailing his car and cleaning his kitchen just to showcase my wifey-ness and one time, before it was appropriate, we took off with two friends at 2 a.m. after a Denny’s hang out and drove to Santa Barbara just to watch the sun rise.  Much of our dating consisted of trying new things together and enjoying random adventures in the California sun.

Our first date was a bike ride where, for the first time in my life, I braked suddenly and flipped myself over the handlebars and onto the pavement.  Jon and I both laugh about it now because at the time I put on a brave face and acted like it was no big deal, but we know that if the same thing happened now, I would be crying and insist on being carried back to the car.

I think we fell in love in the midst of doing crazy things to impress the other one and pushing boundaries just to prove that we were fun and that the other one needn’t look elsewhere for adventure and excitement.

However in the midst of babies, work, school and a growing pile of responsibility and stress, much of our spontaneity has been snuffed out and as a result, so has an important part of our relationship.  Before we had Cameron, I read books that warned about the dryness that can inhabit a marriage after babies come.  I read those chapters with a smirk because our love was fierce and fragrant.

Don’t get me wrong: I am still very much in love with my husband.  We are committed to each other and even when we quarrel, we know deep in our hearts that it will get worked out.  I have an adoration for that man that I didn’t know possible and I have a growing respect for him as I see him sacrifice his entire life right now to get through school so that he can provide for our family the way I know he wants to.  When we got married, we said vows and I think because of the grace of God, those vows were allowed to seep deep within us and caused our DNA to intertwine like tree roots so that when I sin against him, I feel as though I’m sinning against myself.  I have an assurance, strong as blood, that we will never be separated  lest death be the culprit.  When I look back on our season of dating I know, because it is etched into my heart, that he is God’s best for me so I needn’t look elsewhere because I know I would never find another who would compare.

But marriage has it’s seasons.  It does for everyone, which is why I am not sharing something shocking, but rather something that any married person could read and nod their head to and say, “Oh yes, there are seasons.”

Right now our season is not the newlywed bliss we grew accustomed to, full of spur of the moment dates and endless late nights spent laughing and dreaming about what our children might someday look like.  It is one of learning to love not based superficial motives, but one of learning to love the other one simply because they need it and we want to give it regardless of what we are getting in return.

On a daily basis, we get an hour or two in the evenings to interact.  When Jon gets home from work we attempt to chat about our days while Jon has his play time with Cameron and while I finish dinner.  Then one of us gives Cameron a bath and I put the boy to bed.  After which Jon hits the books and sits down at his laptop until the work is done.  Sometimes it’s 11 p.m. and sometimes it’s 2 a.m. when he comes crawling into bed.  Somewhere around 10 p.m. I announce my departure so Jon can walk me upstairs and tuck me in.

When we were engaged, Jon would walk me home to my doorstep and we would spend ten minutes dragging out our goodbyes and arguing about who should leave first.  Then I would run upstairs to my room, jump into bed and continue to text him until my fingers finally came to a stop and I fell fast asleep mid text.  Some nights now I text him from upstairs as I’m falling asleep too…

Since he has one year left of school (a midst working full time, mind you), we are having to accept the current circumstances and do our best to each be open to handling more than we would sometimes like to.

But since Jon’s Spring Break is coming, we have decided to do something spontaneous because our souls need it and because we want to experience the fun and the spontaneity in our relationship once again.  I anticipate, and hope that later on in life, we will be that old couple who still enjoys doing crazy things together in the name of love.

vegas triiiip

So we chose Vegas.  I want to go and see all the crazy sights there are to see, hang out for a week uninterrupted by homework and then come home more content and with a renewed strength of heart to carry on loving my man fiercely as he goes out everyday to fight his battles.  I have never really been in a fight, but I will fight anyone who dares to challenge the fact that my husband is the bravest, most hard working man that there is!  No one loves his family like he does…

So, Vegas here we come!  We’re expecting you’ll take good care of us.  We need a little crazy in our lives (but before 10 p.m. because regardless of location, our baby still wakes up early).

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